


i think that i might break

by peterneds



Series: july fic challenge [5]
Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, M/M, More sad shit, Ned-centric, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), cause i can't just always give you happy gay shit, i genuinely suck at tagging if you have any suggestions do let me know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 04:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterneds/pseuds/peterneds
Summary: “Hey,” Pepper says.Ned lifts his head.“He was your best friend,” she says.Is,Ned corrects in his head.Not was, is.“I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now. But we, all of us here, will continue to try our best to figure out what happened. We’ll try to bring him back.”Ned nods numbly, and steps forward into the open elevator doors. He fiddles with the cuffs of his hoodie, and all of a sudden realises this was the one Peter always stole from him.He didn’t think it was possible, but in that moment, his heart breaks even more./title from 'breathe me' by sia





	i think that i might break

Eventually, the remaining Avengers come back to Earth. 

Eventually, Ned gets a call from an unknown number, telling him that Happy will be coming to drive him to Avengers HQ to explain what happened in the Infinity War. 

Eventually, Ned finds out what happened to Peter. 

He’s sitting in Tony Stark’s office, _actual_ Tony Stark mere feet in front of him, but none of it matters anymore. Tony doesn’t meet his eyes when he says, “he just.... Turned to dust, I don’t know.” His hands are trembling. “I’m sorry, kid.” 

Pepper Potts guides Ned out of the office and to the elevator by a gentle hand on his back. Ned hasn’t looked up from the ground since he got here. 

“Hey,” Pepper says. 

Ned lifts his head. 

“He was your best friend,” she says. _Is,_ Ned corrects in his head. _Not was, is._ “I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now. But we, all of us here, will continue to try our best to figure out what happened. We’ll try to bring him back.” 

Ned nods numbly, and steps forward into the open elevator doors. He fiddles with the cuffs of his hoodie, and all of a sudden realises this was the one Peter always stole from him. 

He didn’t think it was possible, but in that moment, his heart breaks even more. 

 

May has him over for Thai and cookies once a month. 

And it’s not that it’s awkward or anything like that, Ned loves May, but the lack of Peter’s presence feels so _big_ when it’s just the two of them in their apartment. 

Every once in a while, Ned will step into Peter’s room. Most times he can’t make it past the doorway - but other times he gets himself to lay down on the bottom bunk, let himself be enveloped in Peter’s scent. 

It’s fading, though. 

And a piece of his heart breaks off again.

 

Returning to school without Peter is, by far, Ned thinks, the worst.

Teachers lingering glances during class, the hugs and the apologies he gets from people the two of them never even _spoke_ to, the absence of Peter beside him at the lunch table.

How Michelle stopped coming to lunch at all. 

The three of them had study dates every Thursday in the library, after Michelle became captain of the decathlon team. Their bond grew slowly, over long tables and low light and baking and movie nights. It’s evident in how frequently they saw MJ smile, that there was something special in the bond they had creating. Something like magic.

Ned has to guess that Peter was the spark that held them together.

He remembers how Peter would pull at the pom-poms on MJ’s hat, how she’d poke Ned cheeks when he made her laugh too much in public. The kisses she’d leave on both their foreheads when they came to her apartment unannounced to share notes over the test she hadn’t studied for. 

Ned doesn’t see much of her anymore, though. 

The decathlon team tries, diligently, to show their support and keep the skip in their step but soon enough it’s just a drag of everyone trying to keep a fucking smile on their faces.

So, Ned decides that he’s gonna quit. For the better of the team, is what he tells them.

When he goes home to his own apartment, the air of the atmosphere weighs heavy on his shoulders. 

He lets his backpack drop to the floor, and sinks face first into his bed. The weight of his responsibilities, like homework and dinner and dishes and the fact that there’s month old dirty laundry strewn across his floor all are present in his mind but, really, all he’s thinking of is this fucking boulder that’s made a home on his chest.

 

The thing is, he can’t talk about this with anyone, for the sake of Peter’s anonymity. He can’t go to the counselor or the therapist May’s been suggesting, because who’s gonna let him speak about how his boyfriend got on a bus for a field trip and left it to end up on a planet, in space, turned to dust by a _snap._

He can’t tell them that he’s grieving the death of his best friend because he doesn’t believe that Peter can be _dead,_ doesn’t believe that one second he was there and the next he was ash on the floor. 

He supposes he’ll deal with it, some day, when the last of his heart breaks.

**Author's Note:**

> !!fifth fic of fedj!!
> 
> alright gang here's the deal i'm still in a depressed rut and i would really love to expand on this piece and maybe take it somewhere different and make you suffer more but i'd like to have this posted before midnight so i cannot do that
> 
> perhaps i'll come back to it at another time???? if you'd enjoy that???
> 
> anyway have some of my uwus i hope u enjoy this! big luv!


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